ConfusedHonesty

Be okay with how he doesn't want you anymore. It's not personal.   He doesn't respect you at all.   He treats you like trash and worse and worse by the day.  He doesn't care and never will.  His ability to hurt you is out of this world.  His ability to not know how much he has hurt you is unreal.  Who he was, how he was wasn't at all reality.  He doesn't care and never will.   Your gift to yourself for your birthday is not letting him in your life again.  On your 33rd birthday, you had that moment and decision.  You will no longer allow others to treat you bad.  But there I was 3 years later, on your 36th birthday, you spent your birthday crying all day.  So at age 37, you will get yourself up, stand up, and just love yourself again.  He asked to take me out today and tomorrow.  Following horrible treatment, constant hanging up, invalidating any of my feelings, treating me less than a sexual object over the phone... ...

My whole life I was always pleasing others, serving others, and making others feel good & loved.  I didn't mind, I was conditioned to just not mind.  Conditioned to just be a "good girl."  Do right by people, and assumed they'd love me back the same way.  Feeling like I have an abundant amount of love to give, just in hopes to be loved the same way back!  I was doing it all wrong, I was giving and pouring myself out my whole life into the wrong people.